Manji 卍

You guys are right,I really appreciated your thoughts on it.

I'm used to get "strength" from all these things I've collected and spent my time with since years. 

And recently I've been expecting to get the same strength (the reason I'm so into MH)  but it didn't work. Im always feeling Unfulfilled. Since I started my adult life,I'm feeling incredible oppressed,cuz I've screwed everything up and I'm not the young-adult I thought I'd be.

hey i hope you'll get better soon〜 mistakes are okay, feeling like shit is okay, it's all temporary. some time ago  you found out that geek stuff gives you strength, maybe later you'll find other things. it seems you have a rough time now but you know, if you failed something it doesn't mean everything is over. keep going in the direction you want. or take a break if you feel tired and don't know what to do yet. whatever is fine.

Didn't read everything, so maybe someone wrote it already:
It's one of your personality traits, just like technology Nerds are spending a fckn huge time with PC / Coding / Programing or stuff like this and spend most of there money on it or Music / Art anything. 
So see it as part of you, what makes you out/a bit of your person. 
You may got lost in a wrong though that's you now saw it like this? Cause I guess that's happens everyone with stuff like this by an time - but in the end the only thing which matters is that's it still makes you happy / you love it or things like this.