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The Virginity Topic

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I lost mine when I was super young (16), I did out of my own curiosity,  without any peer pressure, etc. and the only reason I regret it is because my partner was older and in a different mindset than me. The sex was good but after a while i felt weird because it was the only thing that happened in the relationship, while going through other things in my life and having to deal with that I feel like it really impacted me in a bad way. It was a three year relationship but I still don't feel like there was a lot of trust and openness with that person,  I went through a lot of stress because of that.  If I had waited one more year to grow up a little more and find out that we weren't really compatible then my teen life would've been easier. 

 

I don't believe in saving yourself for 'the one'.  Having experience is good, but I believe in building a solid and trusting relationship with the person you're gonna do it with. Sex is messy,  it can be awkward and embarrassing(you can be sure of this).  It's all that much easier if you're with someone you care for and can communicate well with ,  heck, it even becomes fun then. 

 

Like someone said,  it's good but eventually you'll do it less and less and you'll stay for the companionship. This couldn't be more true! There's nothing better than being a relationship where you are also best friends. 

I can never imagine going on dates to fuck a random person,  although I see the appeal of it,  I just imagine finding out that person has bad hygiene, weird sex habits or something and since you don't know each other it's just fucking awkward. If it's someone you're close to at least you can laugh it off or negotiate something lol. 

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I think you should wait until you're comfortable and not be too worried about what everyone else is doing. If that means losing it casually, cool. If it means waiting, cool. Or if you're asexual and are turned off by the idea, don't feel pressured to have it.

 

When I lost mine I wasn't very comfortable with my body yet, so all I could think about was, "Am I attractive enough/worth it? Will he stay after?" That is totally the wrong mindset to go into it. So in turn, something that could/should have been a happy moment was clouded by all the negative things I was feeling. It isn't the fault of the person I lost it to; he had no idea about the inner struggle I was having at the time and was (and still is) a great guy.

 

 

 

 

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Old thread, but..

 

So yeah, um, I'm 23 and still a virgin. I've had long-term relationships but just never felt "ready" with either of my partners. I've faced a ton of pressure, both from friends and my ex-partners and I don't think they realize to what extent how damaging that is. Doesn't mean I haven't done any other sexy times stuff. I didn't realize how toxic my own sex life was because of my partners until I opened up to a friend shortly before ending my last relationship and she told me "Girl, that's really messed up. You need to dump him."

 

Because I've been in LTRs a lot of friends kind of looked up to me as someone to talk about their relationship problems with, especially when it came to virginity. I think they were surprised because I wasn't at all embarrassed to admit that I am one. My first ex kind of took it hard that I was open about being a virgin because he wanted to be able to at least lie to people that we'd gone all the way or whatever. Idk I'm not gonna lie so you can feel "like a man" and brag to the guys because that's... yeah. Never mind how problematic I find the concept of virginity.. lol 

 

Hopefully I'll find someone I feel comfortable with in the future and will want to explore that path. Some people think I must be asexual but I'm not at all, I just.. I guess want it to be with someone I find very special. I'm definitely not waiting for marriage or anything. 

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Everyone does things at their own pace, aand that's a good thing. "Virginity" itself is a pretty wild concept. Having sex does not make one more "adult" or "more experienced".

 

And there's also something else that I wanted to throw in: terms such as demisexual or asexual exist for a reason. Not having felt any sexual attraction to anyone yet does not always mean you're "picky".

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^^^ lmfao.

 

Almost 24 and still a virgin here (technically but I'd rather not go into the details). Before maybe a few months ago, the concept of getting intimate enough with someone to have sex with them scared the piss out of me. I find it hard to open up to people enough to make close friends as it is.

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Yeah. Actually, being a virgin for a longer time period is not a shame. Really. I don't unddrstand ppl, who make kind of race "who will lost virginity as first, second, etc". It's even pathetic. It's individual decision to be virgin and noone can say to you, that you must do sth with it. As a male i didn't have a sexual partner yet, but i don't carre, because everything comes at the right time, and, it's more important to build relationship, not intime acts only.

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Old thread, but I just... fuck.

Okay, don't misunderstand me. I don't just fuck. What I meant was, I just need to post here because... fuck.

I am about ready to beat the living shite out of an inanimate object because I am a virgin and I've never been kissed or anything and it just... pisses me off, y'know? I know, I know, I'm a young'un and everyone else here is probably looking at me like I'm a stupid naïve baby right now, but I have an extremely high libido and when you're surrounded by people who have done it, can access it so easily that they may as well be living off it and are constantly reminding me that it's something "everyone does" and that I shouldn't go all quiet when people start talking about it, it's really fucking frustrating. It's not something "everyone does" because not everyone is that lucky. Also, I hate it when people tell me "it'll happen when it happens" because it doesn't just... happen. It doesn't just fall into your lap (no pun intended). You have to find a suitably attractive person, get to know them well enough to trust them, negotiate, etc, and it's just... argh. Especially considering barely anyone here is even my type and when they are, they're never interested in me back. My mother telling me I had to have sex at some point in my life didn't help much either. She told me that any potential suitors would consider me worthless if I didn't... and that, ladies and gents, is (probably) the story of my conception 🙃 but I digress.

Look, I don't mean to dump all over everything everyone else has said here because I wholeheartedly agree with the general consensus that you shouldn't judge or shame people for being virgins - I know that better than most - but I just really needed to get this out because it's making me want to hit something! I don't even know why I care about it so much. We could go on and on about Freud or evolution or biology or yada-yada, but considering I don't want children, I've already removed that instinctual aspect and once you do that, the biological aspect is kind of nullified. Like I said, I just don't know why I care so much about this other than I have a high libido, and even then, that doesn't explain why I want a person so badly as I'm not really interested in a romantic relationship at the moment. I used to be, but that was bloody ages ago. It's really odd because I don't want to do it out of pressure. As I mentioned earlier, people telling me "everyone does it" isn't helpful, but that's not the reason I want to do it. I don't want to do it to score popularity points and I would only really tell someone I had sex if it was anonymously or if I absolutely had to. I just... want to.

On a lighter note, a girl who lost her virginity really early once told me to not feel pressured and she was really sweet to me when this complete bastard picked on me for being a virgin, so that was nice.
Anyways, I'm going to try to get some sleep. I have college in just under six hours. I napped earlier so I should be okay. Hopefully.

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4 hours ago, Gesu said:

Old thread, but I just... fuck.

Okay, don't misunderstand me. I don't just fuck. What I meant was, I just need to post here because... fuck.

I am about ready to beat the living shite out of an inanimate object because I am a virgin and I've never been kissed or anything and it just... pisses me off, y'know? I know, I know, I'm a young'un and everyone else here is probably looking at me like I'm a stupid naïve baby right now, but I have an extremely high libido and when you're surrounded by people who have done it, can access it so easily that they may as well be living off it and are constantly reminding me that it's something "everyone does" and that I shouldn't go all quiet when people start talking about it, it's really fucking frustrating. It's not something "everyone does" because not everyone is that lucky. Also, I hate it when people tell me "it'll happen when it happens" because it doesn't just... happen. It doesn't just fall into your lap (no pun intended). You have to find a suitably attractive person, get to know them well enough to trust them, negotiate, etc, and it's just... argh. Especially considering barely anyone here is even my type and when they are, they're never interested in me back. My mother telling me I had to have sex at some point in my life didn't help much either. She told me that any potential suitors would consider me worthless if I didn't... and that, ladies and gents, is (probably) the story of my conception 🙃 but I digress.

Look, I don't mean to dump all over everything everyone else has said here because I wholeheartedly agree with the general consensus that you shouldn't judge or shame people for being virgins - I know that better than most - but I just really needed to get this out because it's making me want to hit something! I don't even know why I care about it so much. We could go on and on about Freud or evolution or biology or yada-yada, but considering I don't want children, I've already removed that instinctual aspect and once you do that, the biological aspect is kind of nullified. Like I said, I just don't know why I care so much about this other than I have a high libido, and even then, that doesn't explain why I want a person so badly as I'm not really interested in a romantic relationship at the moment. I used to be, but that was bloody ages ago. It's really odd because I don't want to do it out of pressure. As I mentioned earlier, people telling me "everyone does it" isn't helpful, but that's not the reason I want to do it. I don't want to do it to score popularity points and I would only really tell someone I had sex if it was anonymously or if I absolutely had to. I just... want to.

On a lighter note, a girl who lost her virginity really early once told me to not feel pressured and she was really sweet to me when this complete bastard picked on me for being a virgin, so that was nice.
Anyways, I'm going to try to get some sleep. I have college in just under six hours. I napped earlier so I should be okay. Hopefully.

literally me every day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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@Gesu

 

 

 


I might get crucified for this, but if it isn't about having a relationship and simply just wanting to do it, there's no shame in looking at male escorts. Although they often look like the manly type I'm sure there is a lot of choice out there. They're professionals and will know how to make you feel like you've known each other for years. You'd just need the funds. I'm not speaking from experience lol I just know a few. Having a high libido that isn't getting any maintenance is frustrating and you have every right to be feeling like that. It's a human need. 

I'll just throw this video here and hopefully not make you even more frustrated, it's just really interesting (and that dude is hot 😩

 

 

 
 

 

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1 hour ago, Masato said:

How about tinder?

Eh, no-one there's really my type. I did try it once, but I just couldn't find anyone. Besides, I got anxious about people I know finding me on there so I just ended up hiding my account and never using it again. Thanks for the suggestion, though. :)

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@Gesu  I'm 23 now and I lost my at 19, I've been there, believe me. 

Can't say from a girl perspective,but as a guy,that was a nightmare.Passed my whole adolescence lying to people and myself just to "fit" in the groups,bcuz all of them had a girl or apparently had more experience than me.I hated going to school,I felt like shit every single day, and even if I tried to go for masturbation that just made feel worse, bcuz it's a trick for the brain and the shock of reality afterwards is just miserable. When I finally managed to do that,it felt so fuckin weird bcuz I was already so "disconnected" from reality after years tricking my brain and wondering how everything would be like,that I couldn't even enjoy,was just an awkward experience.Then I started to hang out with some people,under some kind of "chaser effect", looking for more and fell into promiscuity.

Went through some really bad things that I can't say (the reason why I got so paranoid with the abortion stuff other day) and nowadays I have my desires but most part of the time I don't even wanna be touched. If I could go back in time i would've done things differently.

 

I know how it feels to be like you were left behind,but there's nothing wrong with you. Society is pushing it 24/7 and it's not easy to deal with our natural instincts.But I think you should occupy your brain with something that makes you forget about it while you look for ways to meet someone nice who deserves a girl like you. 

 

Edited by Manji 卍

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I didn't lose mine until 24 years old and went through a bitter incel phase a few years back because of that. Probably the worst period of my life. I still feel like I missed out on a lot of experiences that I could have grown from in the past though. Not necessarily sexual experiences but just being around a lot of different types of people. I still don't really have any IRL friends or people I hangout with regularly. I feel like everyone is just kinda doing their own things and aren't open to new people in their life. Basically I just wish I could have been a more extroverted in my life at times even though I do still enjoy my time alone a lot. 

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I’m still a virgin (16) but I couldn’t care less about when I lose my virginity. Whether it be during my last year of High School, College or Marriage,  I genuinely just don’t care.

 

I do have a few friends who have experienced sexual things and one of my female friends is pretty sexually active with many of her boyfriends (past and current). I don’t get bothered by teens losing their V Card honestly. I just hate it when they brag about it all the fucking time. Like shut up, I don’t care how many chicks you railed in the ass last night.

 

I myself never have been teased for being a virgin and honestly whoever does that is an ass

Edited by psychonnect_rozen

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I lost mine at 21. Had been dating long distance for about 6 months before I visited, visited 3 times over two years and broke up. I don't really remember it at all except it was spontaneous in the living room. After that I went into another long distance for 3 years and had sex with a second person about 3 months before said relationship was over. It's weird, the older I get the less I want sex, but when you have a partner 7 years younger than you you have to man up and satisfy them xD It's nice though, when you make love and not just fuck to get off you form bonds on an almost ethereal level. I'm sure anyone who has had sex with someone they're in love with can attest to what I speak of, there's nothing like it in the world outside of have your brain chemistry altered by something like drugs.

 

tldr; Lost virginity at 21,vaguely remember it, get you a spouse and make sex mean something to you and you'll enjoy and appreciate it a hell of a lot more.

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I know loads of people who thought they were old when they lost their virginity, even though they were barely legal or whatever, which makes me think there is no ideal age, just an ideal mental state. Do you like and trust your partner? Are you looking forward to some sexy fun time with them, or are you just looking forward to getting rid of the "virgin" label? etc. Many questions and a lot of pressure there but there is no perfect answer. I think the only thing that helps is understanding what your prorities are

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I can understand some of you who are frustrated with being virgins or whatever, but in my opinion sex really isn't that important. What the fuck is sex anyway? Two people mashing body parts against each other and getting sweaty. haha. For me, I'm relatively well experienced I would say, and to be honest in the last couple of years I find myself caring less and less about sex, there are plenty of other things you can focus time on, like doing the things you love, focusing on studies, learning to drive, learning a new language, WHATEVER, there are far more productive and to be honest, useful things you can be doing than mashing body parts. haha. So I guess what I'm saying is not to be hung up about not being too active, focus that energy into something more productive and achieve the things you want to achieve with all you got. + I'm sure I'm not alone here when I say that sex can lead to a lot of very weird and awkward situations you don't want to be involved in and may even be ashamed of, just for a bit of fun with someone, was it worth it? Probably not.

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lost it in my early 20's to a 35 year old man into home renovations and missing half his thumb from a sawing accident which i found hot at the time. you're welcome. hope y'all have better standards than my dumb ass. 

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19 minutes ago, Paraph said:

lost it in my early 20's to a 35 year old man into home renovations and missing half his thumb from a sawing accident which i found hot at the time. you're welcome. hope y'all have better standards than my dumb ass. 

This is RAW as fuck.

 

I lost mine at 16 and since then i've had good, bad, and anything in between type of experiences when it comes to sex. I do believe sex is best when you do have a connection/relationship with that person. But I also believe that its totally ok to hook up as well, whether its a friends with benefits or a one and done type thing. Just be safe about it mentally, emotionally, and physically. If you are still a virgin in your 20's, who cares. Its your life and fuck anyone who is or may be giving you pressure. While i don't agree that sex is as big of a deal as religion and others may make of it, I understand that is not the case for everyone. Do it when you're ready. And most importantly don't be an idiot about it. Last thing you want is some nasty disease, incurable or not or some damn kids running around. 

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I don't think there's anything to be gained from hook ups or one night stands.

 

Call me old fashioned if you want, but I don't necessarily look down on promiscuity. I know it's something that's not for me because sex without passion for the person whose guts I'm inhabiting is as pleasurable as burnt toast. Let's forget about the "cold pizza" analogy altogether. But I do believe there is something to the idea that you give a bit of yourself to someone when you have sex with them, and they give a part of themselves you in return. It is harmful to send emotions out and not have them reciprocated, especially during something as vulnerable act as sex. I've yet to meet a person who was promiscuous in their young age and doesn't regret it now, and I know quite a few people who have body counts over 100, 200, even 300. (body count = number of sexual partners) They all recommend not being promiscuous and describe the experience as short term pleasure but with a long term lack of satisfaction.

On the other hand, I'm not a total prude about it. I'm not into slut shaming. Sex before marriage is generally a good idea, because sexual compatibility and being able to coexist is important for a long term relationship. How you enjoy it is equally as irrelevant to me. I just suggest not rushing it, because your first sexual experience can effect how you approach it for the rest of your life.

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while i don’t necessarily promote promiscuity i do think some healthy experimentation is good for you to find your likes and dislikes and generally get more comfortable with vulnerability in the bedroom tbh. 

Edited by Paraph

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On 10/4/2019 at 4:48 PM, Ro plz said:

 Last thing you want is some nasty disease, incurable or not or some damn kids running around. 

Yeah, haha, like that girl I saw on some documentary (Can't remember what it was called now) but she lost her virginity late and contracted 6 STI's on her first time. Oooooof.

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